In a perfect world, our picture of God comes from our parents. This is not a perfect world. That however, does not change the fact that God still desires for us to have a picture of Him. And because He is God, He can come up with some pretty creative plans - B, C or ZZ - when plan A does not come to pass.
In my particular situation, God has used my kids to show me how He would parent me. Somewhat backwards, but it is what it is - plan B.
When you grow up in an abusive or neglectful environment, 99% of your life is spent 'doing what you have to do' to survive. Usually you are not presented with opportunities to make sound and reasonable decisions. So you develop a 'do or die' set of instincts. You become adept at quickly choosing the lesser of two evils. You learn to make 'right' decisions for all the wrong reasons. You often end up doing things you really don't want to - but think you have to.
This is not how God the Father wants us to come into our relationship with Him. And here is how that revelation just came to me.
My kids have grown up with maybe an eighth of the strife in their young lives that I grew up with. I am not begrudging them that, in fact I am so grateful for it, it can bring me to tears at times. But I have noticed in them lately this 'strange' attitude of 'why do we have to do this'? It shows up everywhere; school work, emptying the dishwasher, feeding the dog. A common saying around here has been, "Fine then, I'll do it if I have to." It has been driving me nuts.
And then this week, everything kind of hit the fan. Trying to spend vast quantities of time with people who only do things 'because they have to' is kind of exhausting. I would much rather spend vast quantities of time with people who want to do stuff. So, I gave my children all the appropriate lectures on the options they had if they just couldn't bring themselves to deal with the things I was asking them to do. That is actually kind of putting it mildly. I basically had a fit. And my husband got an earful too, just for good measure.
Even God wasn't going to escape this tirade.
"Where on earth are all these people getting this crappy attitude from?"
But He, unlike my kids and my husband, was ready for me.
"They get it from you."
Well, that is a tirade stopper.
And instantly, no thinking, no analyzing required, I knew He was right and I knew where I got it. And worst of all, I knew I had been approaching pretty much everything I do - the exception probably being Facebook Scrabble- with that crappy attitude. Including my relationship with Jesus. "I HAVE to serve people, it says so in the Bible." "I HAVE to love my family or else God won't be pleased with me."
The craziest part? Those statements have an element of truth to them. We are commanded to love our God before anything else and with all our strength and then to love one another, those aren't suggestions, they are orders. This whole have to syndrome exudes the twisted logic of our enemy. The difference between doing it because we have to and because we want to may seem subtle but I have just discovered that it makes a monumental difference to how the people around you react to whatever it is you are trying to do.
Is God sitting in His throne room all disgusted with me because it took me so long to have this 'ah ha' moment? Is Jesus at His right hand shaking His head in disbelief that I've wasted all these years locked in an unhealthy mindset? Nope, not at all. They know where it came from, they knew when they'd have to show it to me and how. They are rejoicing that I get it, that I don't want to go back. They will be there to remind me of the truth when I get stressed out and the old pattern struggles to reassert itself. And they will help me beat it back again.
And here is the hope and assurance part of this blog post. I did not put my hand up and ask to develop a crippling 'have to' syndrome. I had no intentions of infecting my entire household with it. Until three days ago, I didn't even know the thing existed. God wants me to love Him because I want to, Jesus wants me to serve Him because I want to. And I don't even have to have the strength to make that transformation. I can just say, "I don't want to have to any more, I want to want to," and He will do the miracle.
If He can and will do it for me, He can and will do it for you. Does life just seem like drudgery, day in and day out? Do you drag yourself out of bed each morning because you have to? It doesn't need to be that way. Those thoughts that you will plod through life until you die are lies. Let Him show you the truth. Let Him slay that monster for you, let Him give you a real picture of Himself. Let Him help you want to.
And then this week, everything kind of hit the fan. Trying to spend vast quantities of time with people who only do things 'because they have to' is kind of exhausting. I would much rather spend vast quantities of time with people who want to do stuff. So, I gave my children all the appropriate lectures on the options they had if they just couldn't bring themselves to deal with the things I was asking them to do. That is actually kind of putting it mildly. I basically had a fit. And my husband got an earful too, just for good measure.
Even God wasn't going to escape this tirade.
"Where on earth are all these people getting this crappy attitude from?"
But He, unlike my kids and my husband, was ready for me.
"They get it from you."
Well, that is a tirade stopper.
And instantly, no thinking, no analyzing required, I knew He was right and I knew where I got it. And worst of all, I knew I had been approaching pretty much everything I do - the exception probably being Facebook Scrabble- with that crappy attitude. Including my relationship with Jesus. "I HAVE to serve people, it says so in the Bible." "I HAVE to love my family or else God won't be pleased with me."
The craziest part? Those statements have an element of truth to them. We are commanded to love our God before anything else and with all our strength and then to love one another, those aren't suggestions, they are orders. This whole have to syndrome exudes the twisted logic of our enemy. The difference between doing it because we have to and because we want to may seem subtle but I have just discovered that it makes a monumental difference to how the people around you react to whatever it is you are trying to do.
Is God sitting in His throne room all disgusted with me because it took me so long to have this 'ah ha' moment? Is Jesus at His right hand shaking His head in disbelief that I've wasted all these years locked in an unhealthy mindset? Nope, not at all. They know where it came from, they knew when they'd have to show it to me and how. They are rejoicing that I get it, that I don't want to go back. They will be there to remind me of the truth when I get stressed out and the old pattern struggles to reassert itself. And they will help me beat it back again.
And here is the hope and assurance part of this blog post. I did not put my hand up and ask to develop a crippling 'have to' syndrome. I had no intentions of infecting my entire household with it. Until three days ago, I didn't even know the thing existed. God wants me to love Him because I want to, Jesus wants me to serve Him because I want to. And I don't even have to have the strength to make that transformation. I can just say, "I don't want to have to any more, I want to want to," and He will do the miracle.
If He can and will do it for me, He can and will do it for you. Does life just seem like drudgery, day in and day out? Do you drag yourself out of bed each morning because you have to? It doesn't need to be that way. Those thoughts that you will plod through life until you die are lies. Let Him show you the truth. Let Him slay that monster for you, let Him give you a real picture of Himself. Let Him help you want to.
